Happy December! Whooofffff….do you feel it? I sure do? The pressure has dialled up a bit. ( and if you haven’t or aren’t feeling it, please share with the class your magical ways so we can all learn 😉). The busy has begun. The parties, the planning, the buying, the wrapping, the baking, the menu planning, the travel arrangements.

Don’t get me wrong. I ADORE the holiday season. And this one has me facing an empty nest. So, yes, I have checked my white privilege and time privilege at the door! But I am a Mum of boys, wife, daughter in law, friend, cousin, professional, in law and community minded woman, so the busy still sticks to me. In fact I had a nightmare about an upcoming visit to my home- that was not planned by me- with people I don’t really know and I had the classic introvert nightmare of trying to stay hidden and under the radar for the entire visit! That’s how much I’m ill prepared or for that matter, interested, in returning to a crazy-busy-‘on everyone else’s time schedule’ holiday season. But this isn’t new to me. In 2017 I moved away from celebrating the holidays with people who make me feel bad about myself. I decided to return to doing the things I wanted ( informal celebrations with little pressure, sleigh rides on Christmas Eve with a small group of loves, going to Church across the street on Christmas Eve- things that connect me to myself).

In conversation with many of my clients these past few weeks, we have discussed how and why we picked up the mantle of being all things to all people all of the time. The pressure we put on ourselves is ridiculous!

‘When was it determined that we were responsible for creating the perfect, magical, photo ready, gourmet worthy holiday season for our friends and families?’

I’m calling bullshit! The amount of societal pressure is through the fucking roof right now. Vaccinate/don’t vaccinate…travel/don’t travel…invite Uncle Charlie or don’t because of his vaccination status/ return to the old pre-covid busy or create something new…..and don’t forget to work your career like a ‘boss babe’ and be the best Mum/Dad and get to the gym five days a week and take your fucking Collagen and don’t get fat and be sure to drink 64 ounces of water a day and pick the perfect tree and remember to get your nails/eyelashes/facials done so you are Instagram fucking worthy at every event! Oh- and the new variant is going to kill you and Global Warming is destroying the planet in unprecedented ways and don’t forget to donate.

NO WONDER we are exhausted, overwhelmed, running on empty. Seriously? What the fuck happened to us? Who made these rules?

Well, I’m a feminist- and a rule breaker when it suits me. And I’m also a therapist and life coach. So I know a few things. I’m also a tired middle aged optimist who only has one thing to say to you about this; if you don’t like or want to be living this way you get to change it! Full stop.

How? BOUNDARIES. Start saying yes to the things you need and want in your life. And no to the things that make you feel overwhelmed. Start small. And to understand what you need, you’ve got to slow down long enough and dial into your inner knowing hard enough, to get clear on this. We aren’t doing ourselves, our families our children or our world any favours by perpetuating an outdated narrative that being perfect and in charge is the goal of a fulfilled life.

‘I believe the goal of a fulfilling life shouldn’t be a goal at all- but a tapestry of woven experiences leading us closer to self, in a deep and loving relationship with our own purpose. ‘

Just know this- you are not alone. We are all feeling this on some level. No one is talking about it. Everyone is exhausted. And scared. And unsure. Give yourself the greatest gift you could ever give this season- the option to choose and to say no with grace. I see you. I am you. I love you.💚